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As every parent with sons will know, there comes a time in every little boy’s life when, out of nowhere, he suddenly discovers his todger…and dutifully become completely obsessed with it (a bond which, as we all know, only grows stronger as the years go by).

And while this process of dingle discovery is (of course) completely natural, it can often seem quite disturbing for anyone who happens to catch them in the act.

Because, just as the vast majority of babies will bite, grab, kick and throw any new toy that they can get their grubby little hands on, the same goes for this most delicate of appendages, which unknowing little boys of a certain age seem intent on pulling, flicking, hitting and fumbling at every given opportunity.

So, to cover this important life lesson in the gentlest of ways, I thought I’d express this particular piece of fatherly advice as a poem, in the hope of encouraging my son (and every other little boy out there) that your willy is not a toy, and should be treated with the respect that it deserves…

***

YOUR WILLY IS NOT A TOY

.

Yes, you have a willy,

it’s what makes you a boy,

but please be advised, son,

that thing’s not a toy…

.

At this stage of life,

it’s just used for peeing,

so try not to break it

(for your own wellbeing).

.

I know it seems fun

and can be a right laugh,

to give it a tug

while you’re bored in the bath.

.

Or how, when you’re naked,

it makes you quite happy,

to give it a flick

as I’m changing your nappy.

.

And how, yes, it jiggles

whenever you cough,

but yank it much harder,

it just might come off…

.

It’s true, when you stretch it,

it does look quite long,

but don’t pinch the end, son,

that’s all kinds of wrong…

.

It may seem small now,

but that’s perfectly fine.

Just eat all your veggies,

it’ll be bigger than mine.

.

It’s not made of plastic,

so handle with care,

‘cos causing it damage

would be a nightmare.

.

As not much on earth

could be less appealing

than having a todger

with no sense of feeling.

.

And nobody wants that;

it wouldn’t be funny.

You can’t buy another

for love nor for money.

.

Plus when you get older

it’ll be much more fun;

I won’t tell you why yet

‘cos you’re only one…

.

But trust me on this, boy,

when you’re big and tall,

your willy will be your

best friend of them all.

 ***

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s poem! If you know any other parents of little boys that are going through this same ‘period of discovery’, and could do with a laugh, please do share this with them on your socials to help spread the love…

And for more from me, you can stay in touch with YOU THE DADDY via Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook.

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Giles (AKA YOU THE DADDY)

Giles is the author of London dad blog YOU THE DADDY, giving a guy’s perspective on pregnancy, babies and parenthood.

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