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The Joy, The Grief, The Forever Missing Piece.

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Baby loss, and parenting after loss, are tough roads to walk. There are of course times when you can walk it a little easier than other days. There are the days when it’s harder. Christmas is a strange mix of the two. The festive period always heightens the emotions and that empty hole that should be filled with Poppy is bigger than ever. I feel so blessed and fortunate though, we have our rainbow, Rueben; the beacon of light to guide us along the dark roads.

Christmas after Poppy died was hard and it was hard to see any of the magic and joy. It

theFMLYman.com
2
felt strange to be celebrating Christmas when she’d just died. It want fair. Last year we were still in the bubble of the first few weeks of Reuben’s life. He was too young to know what was going on and we were still learning parenting after loss… and parenting. That’s the one part that’s hard, when parenting your rainbow you are doing things for the first time when for us it should have been the second.
 
This year we wanted to start traditions and find ways to include Poppy in our Christmas celebrations. We took part in Advent To
theFMLYman.com
3
Remember. Each day we did something for us as a family, for Reuben and for Poppy. Putting the tree up and putting on all decorations. Putting on all the ones we’ve bought for Poppy. To remember her and include her. Buying personalized decorations have been so important to me. It’s the simple things, the things that seem so small that mean so much. Having Poppy’s names on an ornament on the tree includes her. I’m doing something with her despite the fact she is painstakingly not here.

On a few days for our advent to remember we donated to

theFMLYman.com
4
charity. Small charities, big charities but all ones that do something to help families that have to suffer the heartbreak of baby loss. Being able to give back to charities in Poppy’s name so that it can help another Mum or Dad is amazing, that sounds strange I know. It means that Poppy is making an impact in the world. In her name we are helping others like we’ve been helped and are still helped.

Christmas Day was that forever bittersweet feeling. Joy and sadness. I have my moments for Poppy but with parenting after loss its so important to

theFMLYman.com
5
remember that Reuben’s joy has to come first. I will feel sad for Poppy and it’s ok for him to see that but I don’t want to let it takeover and stop him from enjoying moments, like Christmas Day. The wonder of being all his gifts under the tree.
 
Through all the magic and joy of seeing Reuben experiencing Christmas it has a bittersweet blow to it as well. We should have had all this with Poppy, she should be here with us too.  It’s moments like Christmas when you notice that dark tinge to the world a little more than you would normally.
theFMLYman.com
6
That lack of color at times.

All the amazing family moments just highlight the massive hole that is in our hearts and life. Poppy should be here with us and it’s not fair that she isn’t. Reuben should have his big sister playing with him. We should have started all our traditions with Poppy. You feel here not being her more.
I worry we don’t do enough to include her in our festive celebrations. I worry that I’m letting her down, letting her memory down. I just want to snuggle up with her by the Christmas tree reading stories to her and

theFMLYman.com
7
Reuben. I want us to be the the family of 4 that we should be. I want us all to be together like all the other families.

The sad truth is that we always have a forever missing piece of our family. No matter how big our family gets there will always be a missing piece of the jigsaw. Lost forever and nothing can bring it back. Nothing can bring Poppy back to us and that is something I’ll never be fine with and never be able to deal with.

What we will do though is always remember Poppy. We will always do things for her over Christmas. We will always

theFMLYman.com
8
talk about her to Reuben. She will always be a part of all we do. For Reuben we will keep giving him the very best life. Showing him the magic of Christmas, letting him enjoy it and love it. Reuben you are our magic and joy. Our hearts are always aching for Poppy but you’ve always bought the joy back to us.
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- 8th Jan 19

Baby loss, and parenting after loss, are tough roads to walk. There are of course times when you can walk it a little easier than other days. There are the days when it’s harder. Christmas is a strange mix of the two. The festive period always heightens the emotions and that empty hole that should be filled with Poppy is bigger than ever. I feel so blessed and fortunate though, we have our rainbow, Rueben; the beacon of light to guide us along the dark roads.


Christmas after Poppy died was hard and it was hard to see any of the magic and joy. It felt strange to be celebrating Christmas when she’d just died. It want fair. Last year we were still in the bubble of the first few weeks of Reuben’s life. He was too young to know what was going on and we were still learning parenting after loss… and parenting. That’s the one part that’s hard, when parenting your rainbow you are doing things for the first time when for us it should have been the second.

 

This year we wanted to start traditions and find ways to include Poppy in our Christmas celebrations. We took part in Advent To Remember. Each day we did something for us as a family, for Reuben and for Poppy. Putting the tree up and putting on all decorations. Putting on all the ones we’ve bought for Poppy. To remember her and include her. Buying personalized decorations have been so important to me. It’s the simple things, the things that seem so small that mean so much. Having Poppy’s names on an ornament on the tree includes her. I’m doing something with her despite the fact she is painstakingly not here.


On a few days for our advent to remember we donated to charity. Small charities, big charities but all ones that do something to help families that have to suffer the heartbreak of baby loss. Being able to give back to charities in Poppy’s name so that it can help another Mum or Dad is amazing, that sounds strange I know. It means that Poppy is making an impact in the world. In her name we are helping others like we’ve been helped and are still helped.


Christmas Day was that forever bittersweet feeling. Joy and sadness. I have my moments for Poppy but with parenting after loss its so important to remember that Reuben’s joy has to come first. I will feel sad for Poppy and it’s ok for him to see that but I don’t want to let it takeover and stop him from enjoying moments, like Christmas Day. The wonder of being all his gifts under the tree.

 

Through all the magic and joy of seeing Reuben experiencing Christmas it has a bittersweet blow to it as well. We should have had all this with Poppy, she should be here with us too.  It’s moments like Christmas when you notice that dark tinge to the world a little more than you would normally. That lack of color at times.


All the amazing family moments just highlight the massive hole that is in our hearts and life. Poppy should be here with us and it’s not fair that she isn’t. Reuben should have his big sister playing with him. We should have started all our traditions with Poppy. You feel here not being her more.

I worry we don’t do enough to include her in our festive celebrations. I worry that I’m letting her down, letting her memory down. I just want to snuggle up with her by the Christmas tree reading stories to her and Reuben. I want us to be the the family of 4 that we should be. I want us all to be together like all the other families.

The sad truth is that we always have a forever missing piece of our family. No matter how big our family gets there will always be a missing piece of the jigsaw. Lost forever and nothing can bring it back. Nothing can bring Poppy back to us and that is something I’ll never be fine with and never be able to deal with.


What we will do though is always remember Poppy. We will always do things for her over Christmas. We will always talk about her to Reuben. She will always be a part of all we do. For Reuben we will keep giving him the very best life. Showing him the magic of Christmas, letting him enjoy it and love it. Reuben you are our magic and joy. Our hearts are always aching for Poppy but you’ve always bought the joy back to us.

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HEY My name is Pete and I live in West Yorkshire with my wife Emily, our second baby Reuben and our doggy Holly the cavapoo. This is my story as a Dad that has experienced baby loss and the joy of having a rainbow baby. I want this to hopefully help other Dad’s that are going through the same heartbreaking situation.

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