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So far so good, Zack’s been behaving, only left a couple of half eaten dead animals by the back door. I actually haven’t cooked for 4 weeks while I’ve been back at parents. I started out with good intentions but have reverted back to my 15-year-old self and can suddenly understand what Rory’s saying.

I need to up my gym and squash quota because Mum keeps leaving biscuits and cakes everywhere. I make myself a cup of tea then a box magically comes out of the cupboard.

I took Zack swimming… breaststroke is really difficult when he’s hanging onto your back, but at least he’s not standing up holding a harpoon anymore (we threw some of the toddlers back in). He desperately needed the toilet but at least he made it past the Jacuzzi this time. Wee’s supposed to be good for your skin, so the health freaks shouldn’t complain too much. I’m sure “Men’s Fitness August 2014” swore by it, but you shouldn’t take it orally. Sorry boys, Zack’s got a great aim.

Rory has his prelims and I’ve made a deal with him so for once I’ll be really happy if he makes me skint. He seems to have grown a foot (height not limb that would be hideous) and become really skinny recently. I can only assume it’s because he’s clinging onto the edge of his bed while his mum tries desperately to pull him out in the morning.

Think I’ve got alcohol intolerance. Every time I have a drink, even half a glass of wine I get a headache and a little nausea. I told Rory if he lifted his head from his phone, looked me straight in the eyes and said ‘man up’ that I’d remind him of that when he’s puking up the lining of his stomach, complaining about the tumble dryer in his head and that his breath smells like dog food. Have to start looking for some good baby photos when he’s 16 in April to put on my blog.

All good though. My complicated life is going somewhere, no idea where but I’ll let you know when I get there.

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